


happy birthday

by crystal-peridot (captaintomysky)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:09:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5796397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captaintomysky/pseuds/crystal-peridot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>During these fourteen years Pearl had developed a sort of routine around this resurfacing ache. Somehow it still felt the same as it had the night Rose had first told her what would happen when Steven was born, somehow it still felt like something inside of her was tearing, like something was shattering irrevocably around her.</i>
</p><p>Steven's birthday has always been about Steven--mostly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	happy birthday

**Author's Note:**

> Something short I wrote for [pearl-likes-pi](pearl-likes-pi.tumblr.com) in response to [this artwork](http://l-a-l-o-u.tumblr.com/post/137736762343/wheres-pearl-shes-taking-a-break-dont) by [l-a-l-o-u](l-a-l-o-u.tumblr.com). I've included the artwork below.
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](crystal-peridot.tumblr.com)

There was something comforting in the small, quiet space where her sobs died down to shuddering breaths. She wiped at her face with the back of her hand and struggled to rein in her unruly thoughts, struggled to put herself back in order.

_ Steven _ . She had to remember Steven.

It was strange, how easily Pearl was able to sort Steven's characteristics into two distinct lists--Rose and not Rose. 

_ This is foolish _ , she chastised herself.  _ You know better than this. _

During these fourteen years she had developed a sort of routine around this resurfacing ache. Somehow it still felt the same as it had the night Rose had first told her what would happen when Steven was born, somehow it still felt like something inside of her was tearing, like something was shattering irrevocably around her. 

Somewhere in the distance, everyone was singing Happy Birthday. She covered her mouth with her hand to keep the sound in as another sob escaped her.

_ Rose, Rose, Rose _ . The ghost of her presence permeated everything on this planet--the temple, the ocean, the beach, the sky. She looked down at herself. Her form, too, was tainted with her, as if her skin was tinted a subtle pink. The echo of Rose only served to remind her of this aching loss.

_ You can keep yourself together today, _ she reminded yourself.  _ You must, for his sake. _

She thought of him again--his tiny, chubby hands, the way he said her name. She could almost hear him calling to her now.  _ Please don't cry, Pearl. I think you're pretty great, Pearl.  _

She smiled through her tears. Steven was more than enough to be left with. The echoes of Rose in him were at once endearing and heartbreaking, all sharp and biting and untouchable. She clung to this now--not even the Rose in him could hurt worse than the memory of the night his mother fully, finally left her. That warmth slowly, predictably filled her, took the edge off the emptiness that threatened to split her apart at the seams.

Of course she loved him. Of course she did. 

She breathed again, pushed the memories down where she couldn't reach them, where Steven wouldn't be able to see them on her face. 

This was enough. It had to be.

She stood, brushed off her front, and straightened her party hat.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this fic, please consider reblogging [the original artwork by l-a-l-o-u!](http://l-a-l-o-u.tumblr.com/post/137736762343/wheres-pearl-shes-taking-a-break-dont)


End file.
